Will it be the beatboxer or the teenager?

I watched the red carpet special right before the show, and I’m telling you, Paula sounded drunker than a redneck in a beer garden. So this should be interesting.

Jordin and Blake start the show with “I Saw Her Standing There” which was a cute way to play on Jordin’s 17 year old-ness, albeit somewhat creepy since she’s jailbait to him and all. But I’ll let that one slide.

Gwen Stefani performs. And that is quite the getup. But you know, she works it. I love Gwen.

Ryan says there will be “more than a few surprises”. Rumor has it that Michael Jackson will perform. Nahhhh.

Kelly Clarkson! And she sounds a little pissed. But good.

And now the Golden Idols, which, mostly I could do without.

The top 6 boys. In white suits. Yay! And then Smokey Robinson comes out in a white suit to join them for a medley with choreography. *happy sigh* Now this is good stuff.

If the boys get Smokey Robinson, who do the girls get?? Gladys Knight maybe?

Blake playes dueling beatboxes with Doug E Fresh. Very cool seeing Blake do his “thang”.

Another Golden Idol Presentation.

The top 6 Girls do a medley with Gladys Knight. Yeah, that works. And LaKisha should always sing old school Motown type R&B. That’s where she belongs.

Tony Bennett is in da house! He gave me goosebumps. Wow.

Another Golden Idol. Because really, what else could follow Tony Bennett but inane comedy?

She used to sing backup for them. But now Melinda is center stage with BeBe and CeCe Winans. How far you have come Mindy Doo. How far you have come.

Ford video outtakes.

Jordin and Blake are presented with keys to two brand new Mustangs. Now. I’m jealous.

Carrie Underwood! I want her lip gloss.

The African Children’s Choir. How CUTE are they?

Sanjaya and Joe Perry from Aerosmith.

Green Day?!?!?!? GREEN DAY???? ON AMERICAN IDOL! It must be the apocalypse.

Taylor! Entertainers apparently don’t sell as many albums as vocalists do. But he’s still fun to watch. You have to watch Taylor to get the whole package.

Jordin and Ruben Studdard singing “You’re All I Need to Get By”.

Bette freaking Midler. Bette’s voice is not aging well, though. And she’s killing Wind Beneath My Wings. STOP. Someone PLEASE put her out of my misery. Bring back Sanjaya even. Ugh.

My daughter has now decided that Jordin is going to win. I just wish they’d hurry up and get to it already.

American Idol’s Tribute to Sgt Pepper. Joe Perry from Aerosmith on the axe and Kelly Clarkson singing “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”. Taylor Hicks singing “A Day in the Life”. Carrie Underwood singing “She’s Leaving Home” backed by this year’s Idol crop. Ruben Studdard singing “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”. The Idols and THE Idols sing “With a Little Help from My Friends”. But no Paul McCartney. That would have rocked.

My daughter still says Jordin is going to win.

And now it’s time. FINALLY. 74 million votes.

The winner is….

JORDIN SPARKS!!!!!!!!!!!!